Deep in a grotto or high on a mountain, in Pakistan or Afghanistan, Tajikistan, Uzbekistan or, maybe, sunning on the French Riviera, is a beside yourself Osama bin Laden.

"Infidels!" he screamed to his aide-de-camp.

"Yes," aforesaid the Aide reassuringly, "that is genuinely what the Great Satan is."

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"How dare them!" stammered the moneyman and ruler of al-Qaeda.

"What is it this time?" asked the Aide. "Did they appropriation one of our m wonderful and glorious deputy sheriff leaders? Did they exhaust the terror campaign al fresco of Baghdad?"

"Worse! They made Bush Number 1!" He looked straight at his Aide. "Do you cognise how discreditable that is?!"

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"I do not understand, Oh Great and Wonderful Courier of Absolute Wisdom."

"Bush!" aforementioned bin Laden, spluttering out the word. "He's the most unloved man in America." The Aide tested his high-grade to stamp down a laugh, but a laugh larboard his dried jaws. "Do not make fun of me, you son of a artiodactyl mammal driver," aforesaid bin Laden who turned his computing device blind to his Aide. "There!" he commanded. "Seek experience done your own opinion." And there, back the Aide was the hottest AP-AOL enquiry. One-fourth of all Americans professed that George W. Bush is the Biggest Villain of 2006. Osama bin Laden was far behind, near solitary 8 proportion of the pick. "Four present time worse than me!" same bin Laden, near choking on his speech communication.

"But, Oh Mighty Force For Dissolving the Social Order, you have launched wars. You have brought roughly fear. You have unnoticed human rights and shredded the typewritten religious writing of more than two centuries. You unsocial have specified new interpretations to our Holy Book."

"And so has that Sand Flea Upon a Camel's Ass," said bin Laden, "and he's finished it cardinal contemporary world better."

"But you have been able to do it in need a press corps regurgitating your party line. You cognise how the media ever blow up someone's worthy." It didn't lend a hand.

"I was onetime the furthermost yearned-for man in the world," said bin Laden. That Dung Beetle on the Droppings from a Bloated Goat put 10,000 of his troops into Afghanistan. He aforementioned he'd william holman hunt me down and convey me before his enchantress trials." Bin Laden wiped a gnomish shred. "But after he denaturized his mind, put his own weaponry of mass ending into Iraq and forgot something like me. It's as if I don't situation."

"Please do not cry," said the Aide, "by incursive Iraq, he wide a new arrive where you could release your terror!"

"Bush! It's e'er Bush! You don't muse I could have away into Iraq if I loved to, killed Saddam, and ready-made the planetary fail-safe for act of terrorism minus Bush?! Is that what you think?"

"Never in a k years, Almighty Benefactor of the Weak and Poor. I would never belittle you. Please don't killing me. Saddam unbroken you out, but individual because you allowed it. If you sought to go to Iraq, you would have away in that perennial earlier the Great Satan invited our bright alteration to do battle, and we would have been the archetypical to blast the 3,000 twelvemonth society of that land."

"Praise Allah! Allah is with us! Allah Bless al-Qaeda!"

"That's the spirit," said the Aide. Here's even bigger word. The American With the Constant Smirk is also the maximum praised American."

"Do you transport me for a fool!?" thundered bin Laden. "I can read and canvas applied mathematics enhanced than that Fool of a Mixed Malaprop. Only 13 pct of Americans say he's the Biggest Hero of 2006. That's merely partially of all who say he's the Biggest Villain."

"That shows you how zany those Americans are," aforementioned the Aide. "He creates a war-and that is good-but he stays trailing the battle, suchlike he e'er has done, and patch his personnel are wet and dying, time they're ingestion condensed sand, he's in an air-conditioned revolutionary in Texas and uptake barbequed sorrowing doves, which he simply killed."

"He's even enhanced than me at sidesplitting geese of peace," aforementioned a lugubrious bin Laden.

"Mighty one, you have shown your sway to trim the smallest of sparrows, as Allah has so ordered, piece propulsion a jihad in opposition the heretics."

"That is literal. And I should not bury that those idiotic Americans not one and only ready-made their workers, the soldiers of the desert, single the Number 2 Heroes, they . located Oprah as the third Biggest Hero!"

"That's the spirit, oh Wise and Noble Warrior. The Americans are cipher if not ankle-deep."

Bin Laden once more looked at his Aide, a grin emerging. "Bush may have helped put together the global safe and sound for terrorism, but in two years, he will no longer be President, and I will again get the honour of one the Worst Villain. Prepare for my induction."

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